breaking up with mom

So, it's been a tough few days. When my niece was born, my parents offered to help out my sister and ended up watching Amaya quite a bit while Laurie worked. My mom was a preschool teacher for a long time, so once Amaya got a little older, my mom could take Amaya to preschool and teach at the same time. When Ben was born my mom started watching him as well. My dad died when Ben was a little over a year old, and suddenly most of my parents' income was gone.

When Evan was born my mom started watching him as well. It was a good situation for both of us; she needed the money, and we needed someone we trusted to watch the boys. My mom's place was about two miles from where I worked, so everything fit right into place.

Then things started getting tricky. I left my job at Irwin and spent some time looking for another job. I worked temp jobs for a while, all of which were intermittant and didn't pay a lot. Throughout this time she still needed the money, so we kept taking Ben and Evan up there, even when I couldn't really afford it. We moved to Irvington and were suddenly 30 minutes away instead of 15.

Anyway, fast forward to now. She's doing pretty well with both her daycare and piano lessons, and I am very happy for her. She deserves vacation time and other time off as we all do. The only problem is that when she takes time off, it's VERY hard to find someone to watch your kids for short periods of time - one day isn't a big deal, but ten in a row is hard to arrange. We had someone who was willing to watch them on short notice, but recently found out she moved.

My mom left for Tennessee last Sunday - for ten days. As of last Thursday I didn't have anyone lined up to watch Evan. I looked into daycare with the local churches but didn't find anything. So... Lauren and I discussed things and decided to go back to a place where we used to take the boys (one day a week). It's about half a mile from where I work, the prices are reasonable, the place is clean and the staff is amazing. I walked in last week and it was like we never left. It's a ministry-based daycare and has a lot of things Evan can really benefit from. So, yesterday was his first day at the new daycare.

He LOVED it! His cousin Sidney is in his class, and Evan was so excited to see him. I think Evan will really benefit from the structure and being around other kids his own age. This is not the part I'm worried about.

I had to tell my mom this weekend that we were starting Evan somewhere else. She, of course, had no idea. I tried to do it in person, but once there were other parents there and once I stopped in to visit but she wasn't home. I called her and told her after she got to TN, and she was just silent. I know she was in shock. I told her why we decided this, and she just said 'wow'.

I feel really badly, but what could I do? I held off from doing this as long as I can... we've been scrounging to find people for the past year or so when she leaves for her trips (we're talking 5-6 a year), and I'm over it.

I feel like I broke up with her. I didn't want to hurt her and I know I did, but there were too many issues. If the pattern persists, she will head to TN at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Lauren and I both have to work the days after both holidays... what do we do then?

I know the dust will settle soon - I just want us all to move past this and move on. I hate weird periods like this. I'm hoping things will feel comfortable again by the holidays. Who knows.